And Then There Was
by Gedia Kacela
Summary: They had started with four back nearly 30 years ago. Slowly, their numbers had dwindled, each lost to the Dark Lord and his Death Eaters. In the end, he was the only one left. (Contains spoilers for OotP)


And Then There Was

Disclaimer: It's not mine. It belongs to J.K. Rowling, who chooses to kill off some of my favorite characters and completely devastate me. But that's okay. I still love her. All the characters are hers, along with some of the dialogue around the middle.

Author's Note: Yes, I was destroyed by the death. Have never cried that much in a book or movie before. However, it turns out that insane grief is good for the writing process, as this resulted. 

***

For Remus Lupin, it seemed as if time itself stopped as the curse struck home. He felt it resonate in his own chest, felt his own breath whoosh out of him with a surprised gasp, felt his own insides freeze and refuse to function any longer. But it was Sirius Black who fell, not Remus, his slow descent seemingly defying gravity, his once-proud features etched with surprise, pain, shock, and disbelief. The look was mirrored in the werewolf's face.

__

"...Don't give me that look, Moony. You can't stop me and you know it..."

From somewhere far away, he thought he could hear a sort of battle raging. Someone was yelling, screaming. It sounded like James. No... not James. James was... James was...

__

"Something bad's happened, Remus."

"What? What do you mean?"

"It's Lily and Jam..." He made an odd sort of noise and just stared at Remus for several seconds, a wild look in his eyes.

"Prongs?" He nodded once and Remus stepped closer, grabbing the other man by the jacket. "What's wrong, Sirius? Tell me."

"He attacked them..." he whispered, staring somewhere over Remus' shoulder.

"Who attacked them, Sirius?" He shook him without meaning to. "You have to tell me!"

"Him," he said desperately.

Lupin's eyes widened and he grew paler than he had been. "No... not Him." He shook Sirius again. "Are they okay? What happened? When? How? I thought... Oh, God, Sirius, don't just fucking_ STAND THERE. TELL ME. ARE. THEY. OKAY?"_

For a long moment, during which Remus wanted to scream, wanted to physically hit his friend to make him answer, Sirius remained motionless. Then his black eyes turned to meet the golden moons of his friend. "No, Moony. Moony..." Now he was clinging to Lupin, his long fingers grasping his arms desperately. "Moony... oh, God, Moony... Moony... they're dead."

Harry was yelling. Why was he yelling? And where the hell was Sirius? Wasn't that who he was yelling for? Why wouldn't he come? He never did listen to what anyone tried to tell him... not that Remus ever tried to hard. It had always been far too easy giving into Sirius.

__

"...Come on, Moony. It'll be fun. No one'll catch us. Don't get your hackles up..."

"Padfoot... what if Mrs. Norris..."

"You're a werewolf, Moony. And you're scared of that pile of bones Filch likes to call a cat? Merlin, you're a bigger git than I thought."

Remus' face hardened more resolutely. "I am not, and don't call me that."

"Git."

"Stoppit, Padfoot."

"Git git git git git," he sang gleefully, dancing around and shaking his hips in a very strange fashion.

"Shut up Sirius."

"Or what?" he asked, still dancing around. "You wanna go run off and be friends with Snivellus_? I bet he'd like that. Be a change for him to have a friend."_

"You shouldn't..." he began, but trailed off and changed subjects. "I'm not a git."

"Then are you coming?"

"Yes," he said aloud, stepping forward towards Sirius, just as his lank figure disappeared behind...

__

... the door opened and Sirius appeared, his jaw set firm. "I'm coming."

Remus stepped forward in a jerking motion, but Moody had already spoken. "No. Dumbledore wants you to stay here where it's..."

"Where's it's safe, I know, I bloody know. But I don't care about being safe. Harry's out there with Merlin-knows-what, and I'm not hiding here while he fights off Death Eaters again. I did that last time, thanks, and I didn't much fancy it."

"Sirius, we can handle it. You need to stay here in case..."

"WHAT?" he exploded. "In case WHAT? In case they come here by accident and Harry's perfectly fine? Then what should I do? Lock myself in the room with Buckbeak to make sure the big bad Death Eaters don't see me? Because Merlin forbid I DO something in this whole fucking ordeal..."

"Sirius, just listen to reason..."

"He's my fucking godson. That's all the reason I need. Twelve fucking years I was locked up in that goddamned whole, and now I'm out and the one think I care about is in trouble. And I'm going to help him. It's because of me he's there, and I'm bloody well certain that I'm going to be the one that gets him out. There's your reason. D'ya think it's good enough for you, Moody?" He turned, glaring, at all of them, until his gaze fastened on Lupin. "Moody? Care to say something? You seemed so eager a moment ago? Care to have a go at convincing me to stay here like a pet you don't let off its chain? Shall I just turn into dog form and you can just stake me to a peg out in the yard? Give me a bone to chew on?"

Lupin stared at him, wanting to say something, knowing he should, but also knowing it would do no good. It never had. He shook his greying head slowly. "No, Padfoot," he said simply, but he wanted to scream, 'the only one you care about?!' Instead, he turned and stepped outside the...

... the veil and there was no echoing thud, no proof of Sirius' having landed on the other side. Shouldn't he have made some noise? Some sort of slamming, like a...

__

... door shut behind him and he didn't have to turn around to know who it was. "Well?" he said, "What are you waiting for? They're not objecting to you're going. So go."

Sirius shoved his hands deep in the pockets of his robes. "Aren't you going?"

"Oh, I think you've got it under control. Wouldn't want me intruding."

"Oh, Moony," he said, a half-exclamation, half-whisper, reaching out to lay his hand on Lupin's shoulder. "Don't say that. You know it's not true."

"Isn't it?" He wanted to move away from the touch, wanted to turn around and pull Sirius closer, just to hold him. He did neither. "You've got to go off and be heroic, just like you did when... when... when Prongs died. You shouldn't have gone to Wormtail."

There was silence for a long time; Remus was increasingly aware of the heated palm on his shoulder. "Do you think I should?" Sirius finally asked, softly.

At last, he turned. "Would you listen if I told you that you shouldn't?"

The old boyish smile returned to Sirius' face. "Nope."

He didn't return the smile. "Then what does it matter?" With a sigh and a sad shake of his head, he started to pull away.

But Sirius was faster than him, or had known what he would do. Either way, the black-haired man suddenly ended up directly in front of Lupin, his hands on his upper arms, holding him fast. "Don't walk out on me, Moony. You know what happened last time."

He swallowed hard and tore his gaze away, looking at anything rather than Sirius' dark eyes. He stared at the floor, the grass, the...

... door being shut too hard. But there was nothing, no noise. Just the wild quivering of the veil, then...

__

... "What do you want from me, Sirius?" He had been trying to stop calling him Padfoot, had been trying desperately. Using his real name was awkward, uneven, just plain wrong.

"Nothing." The thin, handsome figure looked up at him from the floor of his cell, where he had sat for quite a while.

"Then why did you ask me to come?"

There was hardly a beat before he answered, his eyes staring eagerly, hopefully. "To see you."

"I really have better things to do, Sirius."

"Don't call me that, Moony." There was a desperate edge to his voice. "You have to believe me... please don't listen to what they're saying... it's me... it's me, Padfoot." He rambled on, mindless of Remus' having shut his eyes in an attempt to block out the pleading sounds of his friend's (no... former friend's) voice. "Don't tell me you've forgotten the Marauders... torturing Snape, watching the Quidditch matches... sneaking around... you can't have forgotten all about the good times, unless you've taken some sort of Potion. And I know you, Moody, I know you wouldn't do that. Not to me... not to us, not to the Marauders."

Lupin's voice was frigid when he spoke. "There are no Marauders, Sirius. James is dead, you killed Peter, you're in here, and then there's me. And there's no such thing as one Marauder."

"But I'll get out, Moony. They'll clear me. I didn't do anything..."

"Don't call me that. It's not my name."

Sirius got to his feet, came closer to Lupin, who backed away. "Moony, please."

"I said..."

"I heard what you said! But I don't believe you meant it." His teeth gritted together. "Tell me you meant it, Moony. Make _me believe."_

He scowled. "Are you that thick, Sirius? Have the Dementors already made you dumber than you were? Face it. It's over. Everything's over. And it'll never be the same again."

"We could..."

"NO. We're no doing anything. I don't want to see you again, Sirius, so don't ask me back. I refuse to waste anymore time on you than I already have these past eight years."

He was shaking his head vigorously, as if the motion would prevent the words from finding his ears. "I solemnly swear," he said, "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good."

Remus stared sadly at him. "That was all you ever were up to, wasn't it, Sirius?" And with that, he turned and walked out of Azkaban, pretending not to hear the mournful howl that echoed off the walls and set several of the other prisoners to screaming. He wanted to scream too. But instead, he just...

... walked towards Harry, who was making a move for the fluttering veil, and grabbed him firmly. Time stopped slowing down and sped up to normal with a sickening jerk. Sirius would never forgive him if he let something happen to the boy. His arms wrapped around...

__

...Sirius as he remembered the twelve years that had passed without communication and with so much regret. Sirius was right. He didn't want to do that again. He let his head fall forward to rest on his friend's shoulder. "I just... why don't you ever listen to me, Padfoot?"

"Because it's no fun to listen to the voice of reason."

"Not even once?"

He raised Lupin's head and looked at him. "Moony, please."

The werewolf looked more drawn and pale than he had in years. "For me, Padfoot? Stay here for me? Then you won't have to listen to me anymore. I swear."

He smiled sadly. "Do you solemnly swear?"

A strangled sound escaped him. "You know I do."

"I do know. But I can't do it. Not this time. Not when Harry needs me. He's been let down enough in his life by those who love him. I don't want to do it again." His hand was still cupping Lupin's face, and his thumb stroked absently across his cheek. "Please understand. I want to go with you, not stay behind again."

"Go with me or go to him?"

"Can't it be both?"

He sighed. "I suppose." Sirius dropped his hand and clutched Remus' for a moment, squeezing it tight. Then he turned away, back towards the door. Lupin's voice stopped him. "What if it were me instead of him?"

He whirled around, staring. "Don't ever ask me that again, Moony," he rasped, his throat suddenly dry. "Don't." And then he stepped brusquely forward, grabbed his friend, and pressed a hard kiss to the side of his mouth, just above his lip. And then he was...

... "Get him, save him, he's only just gone through!" Lupin's arms were fastened tightly around the struggling boy.

__

"Prongs?" He nodded once and Remus stepped closer, grabbing the other man by the jacket. "What's wrong, Sirius? Tell me."

"It's too late, Harry--"

"We can still reach him--"

__

He shook Sirius again. "Are they okay? What happened? When? How? I thought... Oh, God, Sirius, don't just fucking_ STAND THERE. TELL ME. ARE. THEY. OKAY?"_

Harry was struggling more than ever, not noticing that Lupin was staring at the veil, wanting to run through and grab Sirius possibly more than the boy did. But it would not bring Sirius back. "There's nothing you can do, Harry..."

__

For a long moment, during which Remus wanted to scream, wanted to physically hit his friend to make him answer, Sirius remained motionless. Then his black eyes turned to meet the golden moons of his friend. "No, Moony. Moony..."

"... nothing.... He's gone."

"He hasn't gone!" Lupin fought against the tears as he struggled with grief, denial, hatred, memories, rage, hopelessness, and the fighting boy in his arms. "SIRIUS!" he shouted at the top of his lungs. "SIRIUS!"

He tried to speak, to explain it to the boy, but his voice kept cracking, betraying the sense of detachment he was trying to pull off. "He can't come back, Harry. He can't come back, because he's d--"

__

Now he was clinging to Lupin, his long fingers grasping his arms desperately. "Moony... oh, God, Moony... Moony... they're dead."

His grip slowly loosened on Harry as he stared at the veil. Dead. He was dead. Harry broke away from him. He thought he called after him, but he wasn't sure. His thoughts were muddled, his vision blurred. His legs trembled beneath him, and he didn't remember falling. But his hands were pressing down on the hard, cold floor and his tears were splashing beneath him.

__

The door opened and Sirius appeared, his jaw set firm. "I'm coming."

He let out a sob that echoed through the emptying room. His hands dug at the floor, his nails cracking at the abuse. His arms were by now far too weak to hold him up anymore, so he collapsed, his cheek resting against the stone as he sobbed. It wasn't true. Harry was right. He could get back up. It wasn't supposed to be like this. Too fast. He hadn't had time... hadn't said goodbye.

__

The arrived at the Ministry building, and Lupin held Sirius back a moment. "Padfoot... I just... if anything, you know..."

"Shut up, Moony. Stop being so damn pessimistic. You always were, you know. Nothing's going to happen. We're just getting Harry out, that's all."

"But, Sirius..."

But he wasn't listening anymore, had turned and followed the others without so much as a word.

And now... _toolatetoolatetoolate_ his brain echoed over and over again. The hairs on the back of his neck raised as he thought of the Death Eaters. They killed him. He longed for a full moon so that he could transform and kill them all with no regrets.

But he was not a man of no regrets. Oh, no. He had plenty already.

He wasn't sure how long he lay there after his tears had run dry and his body had ceased to shake. He had been dimly aware of the others passing him. Some had spoken, their voices echoey and far-off. "Lupin...?" But they weren't the voices he wanted to hear. He heard Moody gruffly tell them to leave him alone, and then they were gone. He was alone with the whispering voices behind the veil.

His ears strained to hear a familiar voice, but they were jumbled and whispering all at once. No single word or voice could be distinguished, no matter how he tried. After a long while, he heard soft footsteps approaching. "Lupin," a voice said, and he finally brought himself to look up into the sad, bleak face of Albus Dumbledore. "It's time to go home, Lupin."

He shook his head. "I can't. Not without him."

Dumbledore caught his elbow and kindly brought him to his feet. "I'm afraid we must. He wouldn't want you to be like this over him, would he?"

He didn't want to listen. "He should have seen it... he missed the others... too fast... he wasn't paying attention... was gloating, laughing... he was always so arrogant when he dueled... it was how I always beat him."

A sad smile tugged at Dumbledore's lips. "I remember." He released his arm. "Harry needs you now, Lupin, more than ever before. You have to... have to help him... understand." He was forcing the words out as though he was having trouble forming them.

His breath caught on a rough patch in his throat, and he suddenly felt like retching. He couldn't speak, just nodded.

"Now go home, Lupin. Go home and wait for the others."

His eyes moved from Albus to the veil, still fluttering, still murmuring. "I will," he whispered, almost inaudibly. After watching him a moment, Albus nodded and Apparated with a 'pop.'

__

Sirius appeared at his side with a suddenness that made him jump. "For Merlin's sake, Padfoot!"

"I passed the Apparation test."

He rolled his eyes. "Obviously."

"This'll be great, won't it? Now over the summer I can see you whenever I want."

"And whenever I don't want," he retorted.

A broad grin broke out across the boyishly handsome face. "Precisely!" He narrowed his eyes suspiciously. "You didn't tell me that you had..." he paused dramatically, one hand pressed to his heart, "the Inner Sight."

He grinned back. "It's the only way I'm able to understand you, you idiot."

"I thought understanding me would be easy. You've told me plenty of times how simple-minded I am."

Lupin shrugged, grinning. "You said it, not me."

"Oh, as opposed to Mr. Prefect here?"

"I'm not a Prefect anymore."

"But you were."

"So?"

"Goody two-shoes."

"Stop it. I'm serious."

Sirius laughed, his eyes sparkling. "No, I am, stupid."

Remus rolled his eyes as he walked away. "Oh, shut up, would you?"

He was still laughing when he called after him. "This summer, Moony. Expect me at all the worst times."

He glanced over his shoulder, unable to return his friend's smile. "Don't worry. I will."

Remus drew the wand from his pocket, his eyes still locked on the place that Sirius had fallen. Maybe if he looked hard enough, he would still see that long, black hair, those eyes, that face... but no. He shook his head, clearing away the rest of the memories. "Goodbye, Padfoot. I'll miss you." A weak, half-smile pulled up one side of his mouth. "I'm serious." Then he turned away. "_Apparo_."

__

Sirius was leaning against the wall in the darkness and let out a long, low whistle as Remus climbed sleepily out of bed, wearing nothing but his underwear. The werewolf whirled around, grabbing for the sheets. "Fuck, Padfoot! What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"How come you don't wear those to bed at Hogwarts?" he inquired slyly. "Very sexy."

"Shut up."

He raised his hands. "I only speak the truth."

"What are you doing here?"

He flipped his hair over his shoulder and grinned. "Well, this is one of the worst times for you, I would imagine, isn't it?" Remus nodded, reaching for his robe. Sirius raised an eyebrow as he waved his wand and the robe moved out of his friend's reach. "I told you to be expecting me."

END


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